June 21st, 2017
When I began this journey six months ago, I was focused on the reasons “why” I had lost someone in my life who I truly cared about. Six months later, the “why” and the “how” are mostly known but less important than the journey and lessons. I say mostly because I have not yet spoken to Mia so the reasons I accept are those which I’ve come to answer on my own through months of meditation, counseling and especially self-discovery.
Sitting in that bar last night, I traveled through the past six months in solitary reminiscence. Mia did not show up or even respond to my invitation to meet nor did she respond when I reached out via text last night, as she told me to six months ago. I did not expect her to nor am I angry with her for it. Perhaps she will reach out some day in the future and perhaps not, it is not for me to dwell upon any longer.
Last night marked closure for me and the end of the promise I made driving home in the cold those six months ago. I faithfully kept this journal daily for these past six months and it was the most eye-opening personal exploration I have experienced in my life. Along with showing me who I was and prodding me into helping myself, Mia’s “sentence” also improved the communication in my other relationships, helped me re-kindle friendships I’d pushed away and made me realize that perhaps the way I go about certain things is not always the right way.
I do not know if I will ever hear from Mia again. Our last conversation was quick and rushed and a “thank-you” letter received not long after added to the confusion as did a seemingly normal text on New Years Day. Since then, only silence and other actions which make me wonder if we will get to reconcile someday.
Whatever the case may be in the future, Mia helped me realize more about myself than I thought possible and for that, I thank her.