December 21st, 2016
When I was eight years old, my father and grandfather died within six days of each other. Additional male role models in my family were either out of state or out of pocket most of the time. I grew up in a household full of women… I witnessed how these women were treated by men and over a long period of time I cultivated a strong distaste for men in general. A particular incident when I was fourteen also played a large part in furthering this disdain for men in general.
As I grew up, women were my closest friends and remain that way to this day. One of the fortunate yet unfortunate byproducts of my engrained distrust of men is an abundance of protection for women who are close to me. At times this is genuinely appreciated and at other times it is quite unfair to the men in their lives. As I have aged and understand the world better, some of my young angst toward men has waned. Some remains, especially if a situation recalls something I’d witnessed in the past. If I feel like a female friend of mine could get hurt in a situations, I sometimes immediately go on the defensive without thinking things through and without looking at things from their perspective.
Like any engrained trait, it takes time, patience and support. First however, it takes admitting there is an issue to begin with. Until recently, I always thought my natural protection traits were ok for the most part but in analyzing the situation which brought this journal to life, I realize that indeed, I was simply denying that they could as easily hurt someone as they could help someone.
I’d like to offer thanks to the female namesake on this journal. It is a hard lesson I learned and continue learning from but one which I needed.