Month: February 2017

Because I love and care for you, both of which I’ve rarely had the opportunity to do in my life and because you love and care for me, which I’ve also rarely had in my life.

I should continue because:

Even though you did not know depression fueled my attitude, you put up with it for years and only asked me to give you six months.

I’m taking a break from daily life entries for a week. Instead, every day until next Sunday,  I’m going to enter a reason why I should continue these entries. I realize I bring a lot of the hurt on myself by trying to reach out to you when you requested “6 months” but on the other hand, you didn’t tell me not to write you letters or send you packages so I’m learning the hard way. Communication is a thing Mia and while I’m guilty of many things, like I’ve said before, you could have just told me “Kevin, you are being a shitty friend”. I wish you had.

This is one of those days I mentioned not long ago. I received an email from UPS that you had refused the package I sent. I have another packed, with your DVD’s and some personal effects. Glad I didn’t send it today as planned. I messaged you and let you know I’d send it to someone who can get them to you. Your sister or someone else. Something like this would have bothered me for days two months ago but not today. I got a lot done today and have a Halfla tonight which will be fun.

I ran karaoke for a little happy hour after work in my office. It was interesting. As I was adding in names, yours scrolled by with your song history. It seems you pop up everywhere for me. My ETSY shop is getting popular which is good and bad.

Today I just want to sleep.

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to log an entry in this journal each day. Especially on days where I see you’ve cut me just a little more, like deleting me from “Goodreads”. Really? Goodreads? Then I remember how much your friendship means to me and the promise I made to myself when I walked out of that bar in December. The commitment I silently made to you and to myself.

Another drum night. Still not sure if I want to be there. The class reminds me a lot of you but that is not the reason for my uncertainty. Just not sure how far I want to go with it. I realize that the fact it reminds me of you might sound strange but there is a good reason behind it.

Happy experience today. Went to lunch at Spring Creek with my direct report and he bought lunch. I overheard a Mexican and African American lady behind me talking about it being one of their birthdays so I turned around and bought them lunch. They were shocked so I replied, “It’s ok, I didn’t vote for Trump..” They cracked up.

I noticed you have been deleting my Instagram comments although they have all been benign and positive. I’m not sure why you haven’t blocked me instead. I wish we could sit down and talk instead of whatever this is or I wish you would just tell me you have no intention on ever working to repair our friendship. Either way, I remain focused on being positive whether you desire to see it or ignore it.