Month: March 2017

Last night I got together with a woman I dated for a short time when I was 22 and lived in Longview. I hadn’t seen her since. It was like no time had passed. At our core, we are the same free spirits we were then but age has polished us both. It was a great night of catching up. Went to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade for a bit this morning. Crazy people. Have an event tonight as well. Busy weekend!

Eighty Days. Didn’t someone go round the world in that time? 😛 Casey (The guy who runs the D&D game I’m in) is with his father. He is having surgery in Houston for thyroid cancer that will most likely take his voice or alter it. He’s older. Before surgery he used a tape recorder to record stories for his granddaughter Fiona. Casey’s wife Rachel asked if I could help get it off the tape and into a digital file so it was safe.  I went last night and did it. Haunting to listen to something like that.

I went to the “campler” tonight. It was the first time since I brought it home from Help Portrait. I’ve been putting it off because it reminds me of you. The crappy weather, the friends snuggling in an uncomfortable bed. I didn’t want you to leave and yet I was so negative that day and I hurt you I know. The seamless was still on the floor and I left it. Our Scotch glasses were still in the sink and I left those too. I have to get it ready soon but tonight wasn’t the night.

I have reconciled my friendship with Paige. She was going through a ton when she acted out in the way she did toward me. We do not talk every day nor do I think we ever will but the friendship is there. I’ve come to realize that excusing people from my life without properly communicating with them first is probably not the best idea. I believe I am going to make strides toward repairing my friendship with Dorothy as well.

I think I’ve come to realize that you and Carlos were dating long before you went to San Diego or at least talking about it. Maybe around August or F1 in Austin time. If so and you never shared, that makes sense too. If I’d known though, my reaction at Trinity Hall wouldn’t have been like that because I’d have not thought you “fell” for someone over a weekend. Here again, communication would have been key. 

Last week was good. Celeste received the all clear for her skin cancer scare. This weekend I went to Irish fest and taught a class at Tandy. The week away from daily entries was a good idea. I still miss you terribly but after your refusal of delivery, deleted comments on Instagram, etc, I’ve come to understand you truly want nothing to do with me. 

Because when I tried to push your friendship away, you convinced me to keep trying. It’s my turn now and while I’m not as convincing as you were, I still have to try. I still have to hope. Today is the last of these entries. I could go on for weeks I’m sure.

Because you are worth fighting for. Your friendship is worth fighting for. I’ve never fought this hard for someone before. Usually it’s “I am who I am and screw you if you don’t like me.” I am realizing that perhaps that is the wrong attitude for my life.

Because I owe you, at the very least, these words. Even if you never read them, they need to be out there.

Because even at my worst, you inspired me to be a better person. It just took me longer than you could wait to figure out how to get help so I could be that person.